Sailor Kenshin R: Promise of the Beef Pot
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: Sailor Kenshin and his scouts: Sanosuke, Aoshi, Sojiro, and Saito, must save the earth from an evil foe. WARNING: KAORU BASHING GALORE!!!
1. The Promise

Mr. Miagi's Banana factory owns NOTHING!!!

__

Fighting evil by moonlight

And also by day light

Never runs from a real fight!

He is the one named Sailor Ken.

He will never turn his back on a friend

He is always their to defend

Except when Gensai needs help with his Depends

He is the one named Sailor…

Sailor Sano!

Sailor Aoshi!

Sailor Saito!

Sailor Sojiro!

Has guest appearances by Cho

He is the one named Sailor Ken

He is the one named Sailor Ken

He is the one…

SAILOR KEN!!!

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Sailor Kenshin R: Promise of the Beef Pot

On top of a Tokyo building in the (either late 20th or early 21st century), a little girl runs up to another girl and gives her a beef pot.

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Girl Who Receives Beef Pot: Wow… I've never been given food before. I promise that I will return with nummy munchies and crunchies for you too.

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Other Girl: *starts crying*

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Girl Who Receives Beef Pot: Don't cry so much! I'll be back soon so…

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Voice: … forget me not…

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*present day*

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Kaoru: Huh?

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Kenshin: The meaning of this type of Soba is 'forget me not.'

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Kaoru: "Forget me nots," they look nummy.

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Kenshin: "Forget me nots" also stand for true love in the language of food!

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Kaoru: Kenshin! Does that mean that you love me?!

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Kenshin: Nope. Just stating the facts.

*behind food rack* 

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Gensai: Why did I have to play Chibi Moon?! I'm older than all of ya young rascals put together!

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Sanosuke: *huddled in corner* We're trapped in the future… This is bad, I tell you, BAD!!!

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Aoshi: ……………

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Saito: Okay, what the hell did he just say?

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Sanosuke: He's pissed cuz' I stole his line. *to Aoshi* LIKE YOU COULD SAY IT ANYWAY??!!!!!

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Aoshi: ……

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Sanosuke: What did you just say about my momma??!!

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Aoshi: *flips him off*

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Sojiro: *giggle* You really shouldn't be aggravating him so much Mr. Shinomori.

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Sanosuke: Why you little!! I can't believe you're siding with him!!!

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Saito: *puffs cigarette* Moron.

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Sanosuke: GGGAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! *attacks Saito*

*food rack rattles*

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Kaoru: Fine then! I see how it is! *walks off*

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Kenshin: I have a feeling I'll be sleeping out in the shed tonight, that I do.

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Sano: *sticks gummy worm in front of him*

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Kenshin: Oh…that looks nummy.

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Sano: You're supposed to scream!

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Saito: Moron.

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Kenshin: Wait, where'd Kaoru go?

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*outside*

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Kaoru: I can't believe Kenshin! That JERK!

*sky starts raining beef stew*

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Sano: *running around like a moron* Free food! FREE FOOD!

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Aoshi: ………

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Sano: Don't talk about my daddy like that!

*girl appears*

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Girl: Heya girlfriend! It's been a while!

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Kaoru: Who are you?

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Girl: I know it's been a while but I've finally found the perfect munchies worthy of our friendship. *takes Kaoru's hand*

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Kenshin: *gasp* Lesbians!

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Gensai, Saito, Sano, and Sojiro: YES!!!

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Aoshi: !!!! *^___^*

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Kenshin: *sweat drop* perverts.

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Girl: Get out of the way you red haired weirdo! *whacks Kenshin*

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Sanosuke and Gensai: *gasp* Kenshin!

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Aoshi: ……..

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Saito: *smokes*

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Sojiro: *giggle*

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Sanosuke: That was mean! You shouldn't push people!

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Girl: No one will stop me from keeping my promise. No one! *disappears*

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Kaoru: Misao…. Could it be?

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Kenshin: Kaoru?

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*at Saito's office*

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TV Broadcast: A large asteroid is heading closely towards earth's atmosphere but shouldn't cause any harm to the planet. It may be nice to look at it with a telescope. In other news, Shishio Makoto's bandages and Hiko Seijiro's sake jug are missing. I you know of the locations of either of these please call- *Saito turns off TV*

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Sano: Hey! I was watching that!

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Dr. Gensai: So maybe I took a few bandages. He can pay for more because he's so damn rich, right?

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Kenshin: What I'd like to know is why Aoshi stole Hiko's sake jug considering he can't drink.

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Saito: It was a dark night and he mistook it for apple cider. *to Aoshi* You feeling better pal?

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Aoshi: *barfs*

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Saito: …. And that was a new rug, too…

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Sano: Hey, Suzume, what'cha doing on the computer?

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Suzume: According to Number Munchers, that planet is hollow and has food energy.

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Ayame: Suzume!!! You weren't paying attention and that red monster ate you up!

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Suzume: Stupid icky poo-poo!!

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Saito: What could be causing the food energy? *smokes*

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Kenshin: I wonder what it is… *looking around* There so was something between Miss Kaoru and that girl!

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Sano: Why, is that a bad thing?

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Kenshin: Not only is it immoral but if that other girl takes my place then I'll be kicked onto the streets.

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Sano: Hey, you'd have less chance of food poisoning. I know! You could move in with Saito!

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Saito: NO! It's bad enough having you guys over here for a night alone. *looks over to see Aoshi spewing all over the sofa* All of my new furniture… *whimper*

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Sano: Eew!!! Aoshi don't come over here!!!

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Sojiro: I don't feel to well myself…

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Saito: KEEP AWAY FROM MY TV SET!!

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Kenshin: *dreamily* Miss Kaoru…

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*in Miss Kaoru's dojo*

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Kenshin: So your parents died and you've been left here all alone?

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Kaoru: yes.

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Kenshin: This means you're going to be very clingy towards me during the whole RK series huh?

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Kaoru: Yep!

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Kenshin: Shit.

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*next morning walking to school*

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Kenshin: *yawn* I'm so tired, that I am!

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Saito: *sullen* My house… is covered with Aoshi puke…

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Aoshi: *glare at Saito* ……………..

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Saito: The hell?

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Sojiro: Mr. Sagara, could you translate for us please?

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Sano: Huh? Oh yah. He says that it wasn't his fault considering Saito told him it was apple cider.

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Saito: It was dark outside, okay! 

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Gensai: Thanks for packing my meds Sojiro!

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Sojiro: Don't mention it….. What's the matter Saito?

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Saito: I feel it, there's a strange aura close by!

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Sailor Scouts: *run over to where Saito is leading them*

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Gensai: *falls over* Wait! Don't leave me! Oh poop…

*Sailor Scouts see bodies of people scattered about*

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Sano: Who could have done this? *sits close to corpse*

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Corpse: *grabs Sano by leg*

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Sano: Eek! You pervert! *kicks corpse*

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Corpses: *come alive and start coming toward the gang*

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Aoshi: …………..

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Sano: He says that a food source is controlling these people!

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Saito: *takes out stickers* Evil Spirits Begone! *chucks stickers at corpses but nothing happens* Hmph. Stupid 99cent store… *gatotsu's all the corpses*

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Corpses: *faint*

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Sojiro: Wait, what's that over there?

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Kenshin: *looks over to base of a tree* A bagel!

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Bagel: *grows legs and comes toward Gensai*

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Gensai: Oh crap!

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Kenshin: *pushes Gensai out of the way and both go through store window*

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Bagel: *transforms into a person/ bagel with legs that strongly resembles Katsu*

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Sano: *gasp* A person bagel with legs that strongly resembles Katsu!

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Saito: *smokes cigarette* Moron.

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Katsu Bagel: Hahahahahahahahahahaha! *snatches Saito and Aoshi and starts draining there energy*

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Saito: It's draining our energy!

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Aoshi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sano: Don't worry buddy! I'll save you! *takes out transformation pen* Sano Star Power… MAKE UP!! *transforms into Sailor Sano (in a purtty orange!)*

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Sojiro: Sojiro Star Power… MAKE UP!! *transforms into Sailor Sojiro (in snazzy green)*

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Sano: Sano Love Me Chain! *hits Katsu Bagel*

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Sojiro: Supreme Thunder! *electrocutes Katsu Bagel*

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Katsu Bagel: Hahahahahahahahahaha!

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Saito: Saito Star Power! *nothing happens* What the hell?

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Sano: Um… you're a dubby, huh?

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Saito: Sorry if I don't like reading for every frame! Saito Star Power… MAKE UP!! *transforms into Sailor Saito (rockin in red)*

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Aoshi: *sweat drop* …………………

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Sano: Humiliating for you?! I'm wearing a skirt to ya know! Even Saito is! *looks over at Saito* Wait a second!

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Megumi: *in Sailor Mars uniform* How'd I get here?

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Saito: *in normal police uniform* What's wrong with you moron?

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Aoshi: ……………………….!!!!!!!

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Sano: I didn't get a stunt double either so quit whining!

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Sojiro: These skirts are awfully short…

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Mr. Miagi: All the characters are to be equal! *Megumi disappears and Saito's in Mars' garb* 

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Saito: *mumbling to self* Stupid author trying to play God.

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Aoshi: ………….

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Saito: You could transform any time, barf boy.

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Aoshi: …………………….

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Sano: What do you mean you can't?! Just speak already!

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Aoshi: *death glares Sano*  
**Sano:** Garrgh! *grabs Aoshi's hand with transformation pen* Aoshi Star Power MAKE UP!!

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Aoshi: *transforms into Sailor Aoshi (in a suave blue)*

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Saito: Fire Mandala!! *shoots fire at Katsu Bagel*

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*in store that Kenshin and Gensai busted into*

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Kenshin: I think he's dead… oh well. That's the end of Chibi Moon! Ken Crystal Power MAKE UP!! *does all of the twirly whirly junk and transforms into Sailor Ken*

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*back with the Katsu Bagel*

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Katsu Bagel: Hahahahahahahahaha! *shoots out cream cheese vines and grabs sailor scouts with them*

*a shining, swirly tiara comes and cuts through cream cheese*

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Katsu Bagel: Hmm?

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Kenshin: I will not let evil be done when the one doing it is dressed as elegantly as a… erm… bagel! Guys, your lives may be short so find beer! In the name of the moon, dressed in a sailor suit, I am Sailor Kenshin! I will triumph over evil and that means you!

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Ayame: Uncle Kenny!!!

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Kenshin: I know, that's me!

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Katsu Bagel: *pissed* AAAARRGH!!! *shoots cream cheese vine at Kenshin*

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Aoshi: ………….!!!!!!!!!!!!! *freezes Katsu Bagel*

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Sano: Kenshin! Use the scepter!

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Kenshin: *takes out scepter and does more twirly whirly crap* Kenshin Rurouni Halation! *kills Katsu Bagel*

*tons of pink smoke comes onto the set*

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Misao: I screwed up. I didn't think that there were such powerful beings on your planet. Well, besides my Aoshi-sama!

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Sano: Aren't you supposed to be queer during this?

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Misao: Oh poop…

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Kenshin: So you're behind this?!

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Misao: Uh huh. But as you all know, no one works alone.

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Sojiro and Sano: *gasp*

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Misao: *transforms (basically Misao with elf ears)*

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Saito: That on her chest!

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Suzume: The Cho Burger!!!

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Cho Burger: I like this planet's energy. Almost as much as I do hacking up lil' babies!

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Kenshin: Cho, you should throw away your hateful ways and become a peace loving critter!

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Misao: I just realized, didn't you just **kill** that Katsu Bagel?

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Kenshin: Ah shit. *transforms into Batousai (WITH sailor suit ^___^)*

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Sojiro: Is it just me, or is Kenshin now extremely sexy?

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Aoshi: *nod*

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Sano: I don't know why, but all of a sudden I've gotten an extremely large bulge in my skirt.

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Aoshi: *big nod*

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Cho: Okay, Misao, kill them for me will ya? I would an' all but I kinda lack legs at the moment and have a hamburger for a body. Also, I'm worried that rooster head might try to eat me or something.

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Sano: Shut up broom head! Although… *looks at Cho in deep consideration* the thought is quite… tempting… *drool*

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Aoshi: ………………

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Sano: Yah, you're right, if I do gain any weight, I'll be popping out of this suit.

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Misao: Prepare to die! *blasts Aoshi and Sano into lingerie shop*

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Saito: That's so not fair! Why don't I get that kick ass crap?

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Misao: Because I'm special! *blasts him into garage door*

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Saito: I don't even get to be blasted into Victoria Secrets?!

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Misao: Fine. *blasts Saito into Victoria Secrets*

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Saito: *in Victoria Secrets* Edible underwear… I should get my wife a few pairs of these…

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Sojiro: Hahahaha. I guess it's my turn now! *skips over and attempts to slap Misao but misses*

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Misao: *blasts Sojiro into telephone booth*

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Kenshin: Sojiro!

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Sano: *from lingerie shop* Yah, I get blasted into a panties shop and your worrying about Sojiro!

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Aoshi: …………….

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Sano: You're right! The cherry pattern bras do stand out more than the star patterned ones. What do ya think about those ones with the peaches?

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Cho Burger: Now that's just disturbin. 

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Misao: *shoots out claws* Kenshin, you're next! 

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Kenshin: You are mistaken. Those are my words!

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Misao: But I thought you're words were 'oroooooo'.

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Kenshin: Shut up!

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Misao: You don't have to be all sour about it! *shoots claws at Kenshin and misses* What? *looks down to see a beef pot*

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Kamiya Mask: Leave my Kenshin alone!

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Misao: A beef pot… Kaoru!

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Kenshin: Shit.

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Misao: You remembered the promise we made all those years ago!

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Kamiya Mask: You're heart was pure back then!

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Misao: You mean that you would rather be with this peace loving critterish cross dresser who looks like a girl in his own damn series?!

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Kamiya Mask: DON'T MAKE FUN OF KEN-CHAN!!!

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Misao: *draws out sword and lunges toward Kenshin* This fag has you bamboozled, Kaoru!

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Kamiya Mask: *blocks attack with cane* Stop trying to hurt him!

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Misao: Why?

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Kamiya Mask: Because he has a messed up enough face already!

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Misao: Good point. I'll aim for his chest then! *shoots claws at Kenshin*

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Kamiya Mask: *takes blow for Kenshin*

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Kenshin: Miss Kaoru!

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Misao: Kaoru, you think so highly of this homo… *takes Kaoru into arms and flies off*

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Kenshin: Give her back! GIVE HER BACK!!! *shrugs* Oh well, I tried. I guess that's the end of the series.

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Sano: *carrying a bag full of lingerie* What are you talkin about? There's still a part two!

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Kenshin: Crap.

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Aoshi: ……!!!!!!!!!!

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Sano: No! I want the sea shell bikini! You can have the one with the kiss mark pattern!

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Aoshi: *whacks Sano and takes his bag with lingerie* ^_^ *runs*

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Sano: Give it back! GIVE IT BACK!!!! *falls to knees* Noooo!!! *sobs*

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Please now go to Part 2 of Sailor Kenshin R: Promise of the Beef Pot


	2. of the Beef Pot

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Part 2

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*a car crashes over the side of a cliff*

Doctor: Both of the Kamiya's died in the accident, but their daughter miraculously survived.

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Kid Kaoru: Mother… Father… Please, don't leave me all alone!

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Kid Misao: You're not alone, I'm here with you.

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*In present time, Kaoru's in a big crystal like test tube*

Kaoru: Misao….

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Misao: Rest, Kaoru, you'll be better soon enough.

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Kaoru: All this time I thought you were an imaginary friend who eased away the pain of my parent's death.

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Misao: Nope! That's what Kenshin's for! Yah, actually, I'm real! Ya see, I had been driftin about in space and all and finally I kinda landed on Earth. Yah, then when I came to I saw the face of this really ugly, hideous monster, and now I realize that it was you…*moment of silence* Anyway, it seems that your ugliness energy somehow sucked me there with no means to escape. I was bored, ya know, so I decided to become your friend. I couldn't stay there any longer, though, cuz your hideousness would have killed me for sure! Yah, so I was getting ready to leave and all and then you gave me a beef pot! I'd never been given food before. I'd gotten drugs from those sickos on the street, but never food. I then vowed that I would one day come back with munchies and crunchies for you!

It was when I was looking for some delectable nummies that I found the perfect yum yum that was worthy of our friendship. When I picked the Cho burger out of the gutter where I found it, a thought hit me. Those people on Earth were the reason that you are such an atrocious sight! Those Earthlings must die!

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Kaoru: You're wrong…and very insulting! I've got friends on Earth!

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Misao: *possessed by the Cho Burger* No longer. You will stay with me, your one true friend. Only I will give you munchies and crunchies!

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*on a street in Tokyo*

Aoshi: …………..

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Sano: Ya, I know!

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Saito: Okay, what are you two conversing about now, moron?

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Sano: Who the hottest chick in Rayearth is.

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Saito: Do you mean 'in the face' hot or 'super slut' hot?

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Sojiro: Shouldn't we be talking about how to save Ms. Kamiya?

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Sano: Oh yah, lets go up to that planet and kick Misao's scrawny ass!

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Kenshin: There's no way! I don't want to marry her in the later future!

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Saito: Yah, well, I don't exactly want to be married and would prefer to be surrounded by hordes of pretty ladies, but we can't have everything we want, now can we?

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Kenshin: Yah… I guess you're right. Let's go up there and do what we've gotta do!

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Sano: That's the spirit!

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Aoshi: …………….

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Sano: Wow, sniff that was the most snivel beautiful thing I've ever heard you say!

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Kenshin: But all he said was '……………'

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Sano: Because you are stupid, you cannot understand what he says!

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Saito: Translate, oh wise moron.

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Sano: Yah, Kenshin, Aoshi tells me that if it makes you feel better, he will willingly put himself in some type of gay situation with you if it will lighten the heavy burden you must carry.

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Kenshin: *teary eyed* Aoshi, that's so sweet…

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Sojiro: Well then, shouldn't we *giggle* teleport?

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Kenshin: Right!

*Sailor Scouts transport to the meteor thing*

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*a Katsu Eggplant comes flying towards them*

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Sano: Guys, I've got an idea!

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Everyone except Aoshi and Sano: Oh shit!

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Aoshi: ….. (Translation: Oh shit!)

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Sano: Sailor Planet… 

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Everyone but Aoshi: ATTACK!

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Aoshi: ……! (Translation: ATTACK!)

*the Katsu Eggplant blows up*

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Aoshi: ………………..

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Sano: So she's in that fortress in the distance, huh?

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Aoshi: *nod*

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Kenshin: Then let's get this over with.

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Sojiro: You know, it's probably a trap.

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Misao's Voice: You've trained well scouts, but I'd never use Kaoru as a trap.

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Saito: I would.

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Sojiro: Me too.

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Sano: So would I.

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Misao: *appears* That was cold and heartless! It seems, though, that I have underestimated you again. 

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Kenshin: Okay, what did you do with Miss Kaoru?

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Misao: Don't worry about her. The only people you need to worry about now are yourselves. *wads of gum fly up to Misao's eye level* Do you know what these are? These are what I will create my nummies out of! They will grow on any surface. I will shoot them down on earth and suck out all of the food energy there!

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Saito: I can't allow you to do that! AKU SOKU ZAN!!! *throws fire ball at Misao*

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Misao: *disappears before it connects*

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Aoshi: ……!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sano: What?! Aoshi says that there's a high food energy level here!

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Kenshin: What could it be?

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Sano: ….. The bagels…

(A/N: I forgot to mention earlier, the meteor thing they landed on was covered in bagels.)

*the bagels then began to sprout into bunches of Katsu Taffy*

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Sano: Sano Cresent Beam! *takes down a fifth of them*

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Aoshi: ………….!!!!!! *takes a bunch of them down*

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Saito: Saito Fire SURROUND!!! *burns some to a crisp*

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Sojiro: Supreme Thunder! *electrocutes them*

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Sano: Sailor Kenshin, use the scepter!

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Kenshin: Right! Kenshin Rurouni Halation! *mows down a helping heap*

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Misao: Retreat, regroup, and really nail them!

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Katsu Taffies: *multiplying* Hahahahahahahahahaha! *start to rain down on scouts*

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Saito: *throws Kenshin out of the way for some odd, out of the character reason*

*the scouts are buried under all of the Katsu Taffy (which now is turning back into bunches of bagels* 

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Kenshin: You guys! *starts digging through bagels*

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Misao's Voice: How pathetic!

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Kenshin: *looks up to see Misao* Kenshin Rurou-

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Misao: Just one minute there junior!

*cream cheese vine comes up with scouts attached*

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Misao: Sailor Kenshin! Give up your scepter or else…

*vine electrocutes scouts (not enough to kill them, though)*

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Kenshin: I…

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Sano: Don't do it Kenshin!

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Sojiro: You mustn't give up the scepter.

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Aoshi: ……..

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Saito: You must fight them.

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Misao: What will it be, oh misguided gay boy?

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Kenshin: *drops scepter* You win. I surrender.

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Saito: Y-you weakling! My, have I been waiting for the right occasion to say that!

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Kenshin: This, I guess, was that perfect occasion. I know I could beat him, b-but… then you'd all get hurt… and I couldn't ever bear that!

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Misao: *getting swept up in emotions* Ugh, my head…

*Katsu Taffy disappear and the vine holding the scouts captive disintegrates* 

Kenshin: You guys! *runs to scouts*

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Misao: What are all of these… emotions?

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Cho Burger: You lil' idiot! Don't cha realize you all bein fooled! The batousai tricked ya into letting them go, ya hear? I'll lend ya my powers an' all if ya'll kicked their damn asses for me once n' for all!

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Misao: *transforms into the Misacho Burger (with cheese!)*

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Kenshin: Eep! 

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Misacho Burger: *attacks Kenshin and restrains him* You'll never know what it is like to be me, ya know! *starts draining his energy* You'll never know what true loneliness is!

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Aoshi: *has flash back*

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Student 1: There's Aoshi, reading that book all by himself again!

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Student 2: How stupid! I can't stand guys who rub it in our noses that we're illiterate bastards!

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Student 1: Ya!

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*out of flash back*

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Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to be shunned because you are different!

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Sojiro: *has flash back*

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Student 1: That kid never stops smiling!

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Student 2: I know! I karate chopped a teacher before but never anything that horrid!

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Student 1: Let's not bother with him!

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*out of flash back*

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Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to not be appreciated!

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Sano: *has flash back*

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Student 1: I can't believe he's drunk again!

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Student 2: What's wrong with him? Even I can stay sober longer!

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Student 1: There he goes, trying to act like one of the Sekihoutai!

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*out of flash back*

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Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to have a gift and not liked for it!

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Saito: *flash back*

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Saito: Lady, where's my plain hot soba?

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Waitress: Oh, here ya go Mr. Saito! I just want you to know that you're my biggest role model! Would you like a side of the western style dessert known as ice cream?

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Saito: Okay.

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*out of flash back*

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Misacho Burger: *finishes sucking out energy* Now you will die!

****

Sano: WAIT! Kenshin has done more for me than anyone else ever has!

****

Saito: If it weren't for Kenshin, I'd be living a happy peaceful life!

****

Sano: URGH! What he meant to say was 'We'd all be alone!', right Saito?!

****

Saito: Maybe you guys would…

****

Misacho Burger: You are all being fooled! Sailor Kenshin is full of crap! DIE KENSHIN! *shoots cream cheese daggers but they all miss* W-what?

****

Kaoru: I finally got out of that crystal thing!

****

Sano: Should we be rejoicing or mourning?

****

Aoshi: *shrug*

****

Misao: *goes back to normal self (with elf ears)* Kaoru, y-you threw a beef pot at me!

****

Cho Burger: Don't ya see, ya dumb gal? She's been fooled by that cross dressin freak! Get rid of Sailor Kenshin already!

****

Misao: I can't…. because Kaoru threw a beef pot at me. Even Kaoru has left me all alone!

*the bagels all disintegrate and the threat seems to be over*

****

Aoshi: ………..

****

Sano: Ya, now we can get back to our quest for G-strings!

****

Aoshi: ^_________^

****

Saito: You two disgust me.

****

Misao: Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I forgot to mention! Now this meteor will be crashing into Earth and destroying your precious planet!

****

Cho Burger: Ya, then I can go n' start my plans there n' all so HA!

****

Kenshin: I won't allow you to do that! *brooch thing turns into silver crystal*

****

Sojiro: *still smiling* Don't Sailor Kenshin!

****

Sano: If you use the Silver Crystal, you'll die!

****

Saito: USE IT!!!! *looks at everybody else glaring at him* What?

****

Kenshin: Don't worry. Everything will be alright!

****

Misao: *grabs brooch* I don't think so!

*Kenshin's clothes disappear and pink ribbons are flowing about*

****

Sojiro: Eek!

****

Saito: Oh the horror!

****

Sano: AAAAAHHHHH NUDITY! GUY NUDITY!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

****

Aoshi: !!!!!!! *shields eyes* 

****

Misao: *looks at Kenshin* Hey… when I last took a bath, I didn't remember having one of those.

****

Kenshin: Um… could you please stop looking at that… *Misao doesn't move* STOP LOOKING, YOU PERVERT!!!

****

Misao: Okay! Geez! You don't need to yell at me!

****

Kenshin: Know what? I'm gonna show you how Kaoru became my friend!

*go into flash back*

****

Kid Kaoru: *crying*

****

Kid Kenshin: Are you alright?

****

Kid Kaoru: Who are you?

****

Kid Kenshin: Oh, I'm here with my master Hiko. He drank a lot and is suffering from liver poisoning. I brought this big ol' beef pot for him… Here. *gives Kaoru beef pot*

****

Misao: That beef pot you gave to Kaoru… is the same one she gave to me… It was a symbol of your friendship?

`````````````````````````````````````````````

*out of flash back*

****

Misao: *crying*

****

Cho Burger: Don't be fooled by him Misao! MISAO!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!! *gets killed by the silver crystals light*

****

Misao: The crystal changed into… a piece of pizza… *disappears*

****

Kenshin: Right! *uses the Pizza Silver Crystal to get that new pretty dress thing*

****

Kaoru: Aw man! Why'd he have to put some clothes on? I was gonna get out my camera, too.

****

Saito: Here are some words of advice for you. Use Kodiak™ . It's the film that lasts forever.

****

Sano: Let's go help Kenshin!

*Sailor Scouts stand in a line and focus their energy on Kenshin*

****

Aoshi: *has flash back*

`````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Kenshin: Wow! You can read?!

****

Aoshi: *nod*

****

Kenshin: That's so cool! Can you read me a story?

****

Aoshi: ………..

`````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Sano: *has flash back*

`````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Kenshin: You're one of the Sekihoutai! I've been waiting to meet someone like you!

****

Sano: Why…. Thank you! Buy me food.

****

Kenshin: Oro….

``````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Sojiro: *has flashback* 

`````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Kenshin: You look so pretty when you smile!

****

Sojiro: *giggle* I know! It's people like you who make me want to… SING!

****

Kenshin: Let's do a duet!

*start singing off key*

````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Saito: *has flash back*

`````````````````````````````````````````````

****

Fan girl 1: I LOVE YOU SAITO!

****

Fan girl 2: KISS ME!

****

Fan girl 3: BE MINE!!!

****

Fan girl 4: OH SAITO, YOU'RE SO COOL!

****

Saito: Ladies, please, there's plenty of Saito to go around! Now start a line, starting with leggy blondes followed by brunettes.

``````````````````````````````````````````

****

Sano: This has to work! SANO STAR POWER!!!

****

Sojiro: SOJIRO STAR POWER!!!

****

Saito: SAITO STAR POWER!!!

****

Aoshi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Kenshin: *thinking to himself* I have the power of my friends and… the ugliness monster… all with me now. I can feel their energy. *out loud* KENSHIN CRYSTAL POWER!!! 

*the Pizza Silver Crystal shatters and a life less Kenshin falls to the ground*

****

Saito: He's dead… YAY!!!

****

Sano: It looks like we've lost the one thing that matters to us the most.. ISN'T THAT RIGHT SAITO???!!!!

****

Saito: … What matters is that the Earth is now safe and that this dreaded fic is about over. I'm dying to put on a pair of pants again!

****

Kaoru: *crying like a loser* Kenshin! KENSHIN!!! WAKE UP!!! KKKKEEEEENNNNNSSSSHHHIIIINNNN!!!!!!!

****

Misao: Kaoru… Sailor Kenshin saved me in the end from the Cho Burger's evil grasp. Here. *gives Kaoru celery stick* This is my life force. Give it's vitamins to Sailor Kenshin. *disappears*

****

Kaoru: I get to kiss Kenshin! YYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

****

Aoshi: *snatches celery stick from Kaoru*

****

Kaoru: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR????!!!!

****

Aoshi: …………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Sano: He says that he earlier made a promise to Kenshin that he'd ease the burden of his having to marry you in the future. Therefore, Aoshi promised that he would act gay for Kenshin to make him feel better.

****

Kaoru: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

****

Aoshi: *eats celery stick and then kisses Kenshin*

*the silver crystal goes back to normal and Kenshin is revived*

****

Kenshin: Aoshi, everyone… I promised you all that I would protect you, didn't I? 

****

Aoshi: *nod*

****

Sojiro: We love you Kenshin!

****

Saito: What do you mean 'we'?

****

Sano: Shut up! You've been a pain in the ass during the whole fic!

****

Kaoru: I was so close!! Just SO close! *bawls*

****

Kenshin: Is the fic over?

****

Sojiro: Seems like it!

****

Saito: Thank Buddha!

****

Sano: AOSHI! We can now go on our quest for lingerie!!!

****

Aoshi: *waving victory flags* ^_________________^!!!!!

****

Kenshin: Just one question… How do we get back to earth?

****

Saito: Uh..

****

Sojiro: Um…

****

Sano: Er…

****

Aoshi: ??

The Sailor Scouts then went into pondering this for the longest time. To be kind, the fic ends here and they can all put on their pants again.

****

The End


End file.
